I can’t stop thinking about the last post.
It sounds like so much deprivation. Which is the enemy of long term maintaining.
But if I start down the slope of eating party food and indulging in party drinks, I know what happens.
Not starting is the only way for me. I’ve tried having “just one” or having just the “special” hors d’oeuvres.
The special ones are not all that special. Fruit with sugar added. Cream cheese that I thought was the low fat kind, wasn’t.
Angel Food cake “fluff” was not with the special weight watcher recipe (and I had thirds! thinking that it was.)
Potlucks, holidays. Birthdays. Grad parties. Networking cocktail after hours events. Weddings. All are challenges for me. But only if I eat.
If I can get my food before I get there. GREAT! I’m not so hungry and resistance doesn’t feel like resistance.
Nervous social situations make me eat as using food as a crutch. I have found if there are shrimp, I can take 2 shrimps, put some cocktail sauce on my plate, eat them and be okay. My plate has their tails and tell tale signs of sauce. And I don’t have to eat any more.
Carrying a dirty plate around when it’s not a sit down is helpful.
But if there are drinks, I can’t shake hands, so I keep the drink to a minimum (water) or don’t do the plate.
At the wedding the week before. I did great. Except our table was closest to the food. And I was so close to the table, I could reach over to the pita chips and hummus. A healthy slippery slope that I slid down. By the end of the night when they were calling for somemores (it was a BBQ) I couldn’t resist.
There was dancing. That’s usually my strategy. But my piriformis was acting up even from playing cornhole! And I couldn’t stop thinking about the chocolate.
On my way up to the beverage table to get another water, I opened a chocolate bar (reese’s cup large) and ate one.
Tasted like all the other reese’s cups I’ve had in my life.
I resisted the wedding cake and almost all the deserts (ate on small cupcake) but went home with a sugar buzz. And feeling like I didn’t do my resisting best.
Earlier in the afternoon, when I asked for water (alternating wine with water) the server insisted I carry the bottle of water around – I wanted it in my glass just like the people with beer and wine. We had a tugging (opposite) of war. I ended up leaving the bottle, but she wasn’t pleased. Weird. She didn’t make the beer drinkers carry their bottles. or the wine drinkers. Later, I gave up and just carried around the water bottle. Felt at first like I was screaming “loser/light weight – can’t handle the alcohol”… until enough other people were drinking water.
I find I get mad about people not helping me keep it off. It feels like everyone wants me to add it back on. They, of course, don’t. Most of the people don’t even know me or know that I’ve dropped over 60 pounds and kept off over 50. So why does it still feel like such a personal sabotage that people are doing “to” me?
I rant about a birthday party. A LOVELY birthday party, like it is the devil. A snake. (like eve’s garden.) It really really really feels like it is to me.
Resistance and deprivation are not the way to live.
Endorphins made it all up to me by the end of the night.
But I can describe almost all the evenings out, weddings, parties, family get together’s and fun times with friends with what I’m not eating. I’ve got to get a handle on this or I’ll be back in the overweight category. Already my BMI’s been in the 26 range for almost 6 months. Maybe 9 months. I think it’s the lack of meetings.
I quit weight watchers this month. Yes, after almost 7 years. Oct 2009 to May 2015. Whoops, I guess that is 8 years. Got to find another outlet/meeting that works.
I wasn’t doing anything except taking my money every month. I would track my weight every Tuesday, but the meetings were counter productive. Their snacks were carb/salt. or sugar/salt = another slippery slope.
Enough thoughts for today.